#234
“What would it change if I asked you for my sake?”
I coldly told Shizuku, who had turned her head down and asked with a weak voice.
Her shoulders trembled slightly next to me, and her downcast expression became smaller and smaller.
The words she probably wanted me to say to her would be more gentle and approachable.
Words that would give her a chance to break through her pessimistic state of mind, or something that would provide an answer.
But I can’t give her those words.
The reason is simple.
Because I don’t know her position or the complex human relationships that have been formed around her.
In an objective sense, I know how much attention she receives from students on a daily basis.
However, unless I am the person in question herself, I can’t really understand her state of mind.
As far as I know, the only person who can understand her state of mind is Ogiwara Yuuto.
Even for Kirasaka, it would be difficult.
Kirasaka is a popular person, but she has already established her relationships with others as an individual.
Because she has stubbornly shown off her attitude of rejecting others, people around her take it as a norm.
With Ogiwara Yuuto however, it is different.
To put it in prospectively, he is the male version of Kanazaki Shizuku.
Because they are on the same page, they can understand each other.
But I can’t do that.
“Have you already lost the resolve to spend time without worrying about how others look at you…?”
“…No”
Even though her voice was low, Shizuku denied my provocative question.
But it is also true that I could sense some hesitation.
Even though I know from my many years of knowing her that she is not a weak-willed girl who would easily reverse her decision once made, I still wonder what could be causing her to be confused.
The gazes she gradually lifts, boys and girls dressed in their Sakuranaoka Academy uniforms, stood side by side.
“I …want to be seen by those around me like those people.”
“…”
If we were to take the meaning of the word as it is, it would mean that she wants us to be seen as a couple.
The pair at the other end of the line of sight were holding hands and being intimate with each other.
If this is the case, it is my fault for not responding to her goodwill, and it makes sense to think that her feelings were aroused by the word “date” thrown at her by the old man.
As the awkward atmosphere spread between us, Shizuku spoke up.
“How do people around us look at us now…?”
“Moon and spoon.”
I answered Shizuku’s question without hesitation.
Shizuku smiled wryly as if she had already guessed how I would respond.
But still, there were no denial words in there.
I wondered if she had something close in her mind from what I answered.
As I looked at her response next to me when my gaze crossed with a pair of sad eyes.
“So, what are you basing your judgment on?…At least I don’t think Minato-kun is inferior.”
“I am aware that my looks, my abilities… and everything else in me is inferior. It’s not like my judgment is wrong.”
I have felt inferior myself in numerous instances, so it is not wrong for those around me to assume that Shizuku is superior and I am inferior.
To be honest, I still think about it.
However, Shizuku never nodded her head, as if she was not convinced by my words.
Her head turned to the side and then back to the direction where I was sitting.
“You are all too ignorant of the reality that lies before you and which is why the current situation is being created.”
Shizuku spoke successively as she turned looked straight.
“When I deny, it is taken as modesty, and when I tell them the facts, they are not convinced, and only stories that are different from the facts are scattered all around.”
She placed her hands on her lap and held them tightly.
The color of her hands turns slightly reddish and her voice changes to a strong one.
In the end, however, the strength is gone, and only the eyes that looked like they were seeking for and answer are turned toward me.
“What exactly is it to be popular? …We just want to spend normal time with the people we love.”
With these words as the last, Shizuku stops speaking.
It seems like she is waiting for my response regarding the feelings she has expressed.
I break our gaze and look towards the shopping street.
She wants to live a quiet life, something I can relate to.
I have always wanted to spend my days quietly and peacefully.
“They see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear… I guess it’s being popular that forces their ideals onto others… I don’t know how I feel about forcing my ideals on others, though.”
I sat down deeper and told her with a sigh.
Discussing other people’s values and ideas is a waste of time.
That is especially true if it is someone who has nothing to do with you.
It’s a different world, not in the sense of position, but purely because they live in a world that has nothing to do with yours.
There is no need for Shizuku to feel responsible for the words of those who surround her.
Embracing fantasies and selfish disappointments, it’s those who tend to seek out the next ideal.
“I was told a similar story the other day about someone who has a hard time …being appreciated.”
I opened my mouth quietly, as if I was talking about someone else’s business.
Shizuku just listened quietly.
I’m not good at words that persuade people, but I still tried to open the few dictionaries present in my brain and choose the appropriate words.
“When you spend time in a group, success is also a group thing… It is the top that is evaluated, and it is difficult for individuals to be evaluated.”
“Even so, it was Minato-kun who brought the student council and Shiraishi-san together. We joined the executive committee, we were able to hold the event jointly with Kikyo Girls’ High School, and preparing the bus were all thanks to Minato-kun…”
It was rare for Shizuku to deny my opinions.
As she leaned forward, she was firm, and seemed a bit agitated.
“If I were someone who sought recognition, I wouldn’t be working as an assistant in the first place. …You know best that I don’t seek recognition from others.”
As if to calm Shizuku, I added one last word to my message.
She knows that I’m a person who doesn’t like to be seen.
I recommended Shiraishi for the position of committee head, wished Shizuku and the others to join the committee, and asked for bus arrangements, all because I thought it was the best way to keep my daily life free from any troubles.
I did not take action because I wanted to be recognized.
It was because of the groundwork of the student council that I was able to leave behind results that could be called achievements.
It is precisely because of Hiiragi Akane’s existence that the student council’s problems were carried out without any trouble.
I can’t talk about my achievements too proudly because most of the problems were impossible for me to realize by myself.
It is a matter of selfish values and pride.
But maybe the reason why Shizuku has been so emotional about it is because she herself has been praised by those around her for something that is not her own achievement.
In her own way, Shizuku wanted to tell the truth and be acknowledged, and yet the reaction of those around her was probably not what she wanted.
“Can I have a minute of yours…?”
“…?”
After gulping down the scallops on a skewer in one gulp, I tossed them into a nearby trash can.
Then, flipping around on my haunches, I held out my hand to Shizuku.
Shizuku also curiously takes the hand that is gently extended to her, and grabbing it, I continue on my way through the shopping district.
Just as Shizuku knows me better than anyone else, I know her better than anyone else.
That is why, in order to give her my own simple and clear answer, I walked in a direction that had nothing to do with the festival.
<BbX> : That moon and spoon had me rolling fr XD
BrutalBot Tl 