CH#316

#316

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In front of the main gate, illuminated by a single small light, it feels like a small stage. The darkness of the night envelops the entire town, bringing silence to the school.

The noise of students fades away, and even the sound of footsteps on gravel can be heard clearly. Leaning against the stone wall of the main gate, I exhale softly, my breath forming white vapours in the air, and my fingertips turn slightly red in the cold.

 

I was simply waiting for someone to arrive. How much time has passed since I parted ways with President and stood here alone? I could have gone to the student council room, but I wanted some time alone. Alone time is essential for me to clear my thoughts.

I’ve decided what I want to ask, what I need to ask. What will their answers be to the questions I’ve come up with after much self-reflection?

 

When was the last time I felt scared of talking to people? Was it in elementary school or middle school? Maybe it was when I started feeling okay with being alone.

I realize that I’ve always thought of myself as someone separate. I’ve established this idea of being someone else, detached from my true self, and strangely, I had forgotten about it.

I must have discarded the frustration of not being able to clear my true feelings, thinking that it was meaningless if I couldn’t overcome that fear. But deep down, I knew it was necessary.

I’ve given up on myself, on connections with others, but ultimately, I couldn’t truly give up. It’s a contradiction I’ve been dealing with.

 

It’s lame, incredibly lame. It’s the kind of lameness you’d expect from a teenager.

Even though I’ve recognized my flaws, I can’t move forward without someone pushing me from behind. I’m such a weak person.

But I’ve known that I’m a weak person for a long time. Being weak isn’t shameful.

 

…Let’s try to think positively about it.

I look up at the night sky alone, wondering if stargazing would be a worthwhile hobby at this time.

 

“It’s cold.”

 

“If you’re cold, you should have waited inside the building.”

 

I mutter to myself along with my breath, when I was called out from the school building.

When I turn around, two students are approaching from the entrance, changing into their outdoor shoes. Kirasaka wraps a scarf around her neck while Shizuku rushes over and takes out a hand warmer from her pocket, stopping in front of me.

 

“You didn’t bring your coat? Your hands are so cold.”

 

“I didn’t think you’d still be at school past seven.”

 

Shizuku takes my right hand and places her hand warmer in it. The warmth gradually spreads through my hand.

Kirasaka follows Shizuku, stopping slowly in front of the main gate. The three of us stand there under the small light, like on a small stage.

I offer words of appreciation to the two of them on this well-prepared stage.

 

“Thank you for all this…”

 

“Thank you for your hard work too, Minato-kun.”

 

Shizuku smiles back at me, and I search for other student council members. Besides them, there are no other students coming out of the gate.

Are they still in the student council room?

Kirasaka notices my gaze and speaks up.

 

“Others have already gone home. It’s just us today.”

 

“I see… You stayed at school pretty late.”

 

“I had no choice since someone wasn’t participating in the student council.”

 

Is she being sarcastic? Definitely. It’s undoubtedly sarcasm.

Let’s just accept it. Since the committee wasn’t important enough for the student council to attend, it’s my fault for participating, abandoning my actual responsibilities. Paradoxically, it means I’m doing something admirable by doing what others won’t do.

 

And, it’s cute of Kirasaka to include such jokes in our conversation. My emotional tolerance is wide enough to handle it, like an older brother looking at his little sister with gentle eyes.

This must be the benefit of stargazing. Indeed, it’s worthy of being an album cover name.

 

“Embarrassing.”

 

“Don’t be embarrassed. And if you are, I’d like you to put a little more emotion into it.”

 

Kirasaka’s merciless critique follows immediately after her mischievous joke.

The extreme cold that wouldn’t even be noticeable under the frigid sky spreads through my heart. Let’s stop with the jokes and figure out what to do. I want to talk to them, but I’m hesitating on how to start the conversation.

 

“Shall we walk a bit?”

 

Shizuku says, glancing at my complexion. I tilt my head slightly, and her voice sounds gentle while her expression looks a bit anxious. Kirasaka stood next to her as usual, with her arms crossed, but her eyes were gentle.

 

“No, it’s okay… I wanted to apologize to both of you, so I waited.”

 

There’s no need for preamble or jokes. What I want to talk to them about doesn’t require unnecessary conversation… probably.

The two of them tense up slightly at my words. They immediately understood the topic. And they seem a little perplexed.

 

Why? How did this come about? Their expressions seem to say they want to ask those questions.

Naturally, they wouldn’t know about my meeting with President.

 

“For everyone’s sake, I created a facade and rejected your help… Well, including Yuuto, so it’s three I guess?”

 

I thought it was right, I thought it was necessary. I kept telling myself that it was necessary to change the current situation.

 

“I thought I had to do it alone. If I don’t change, baseless rumours will spread, and it might even damage the friendship between the three of us.”

 

Even though I knew that making this change would mean denying the person they liked, Shinra Minato.

I held onto the convenient idea that after the change, things would return to how they were before. They listened quietly as I spoke. They might have something to say, but they quietly looked into my eyes.

 

“It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’m lost… It’s really difficult to lead something.”

 

Shiraishi, my underclassman, would probably be better at this. Nakayama could probably attract even more students.

What I managed to do was somehow connect with people I wasn’t connected to before. The rest was just a matter of good chemistry and favourable circumstances.

I know this isn’t my original role.

 

“What I can do is think quietly. Think about whether what everyone is asking for is right or wrong, and just convey my own opinion.”

 

That’s what was asked of me. It’s the only tiny weapon I have as a student council member recognized by Hiiragi Akane.

It’s something anyone can do, but it’s surprisingly difficult. People judge things based on their own values. Friendship, pride, and even gender come into play.

 

I was recognized for being able to do this precisely because my personality, as Shinra Minato, was different from others. It wasn’t talent, but rather the result of a twisted upbringing and personality.

I tried to throw it away. But if I throw it away, there won’t be anything left of me.

 

“So…”

 

With that, I turn to the two of them standing in front of me, putting an end to my words. They wait eagerly for what I have to say next.

I breathe a sigh of relief at their seriousness. This is where the real conversation begins, where I really have to convey my feelings to them.

Briefly, but honestly.

 

“I’m sorry. This time… No, I think it’ll be like this from now on. I can’t do it alone… Will you help me?”

 

With that, I extend my right hand to them. This time, it’s my turn to reach out for their help.

Whether they’ll take it or not, only they know.

Normally, they would definitely refuse and push me away.

 

Even if underclassmen or classmates helped, I think I would still hesitate.

I’ve been able to walk towards the answers I’ve come up with so far because their backs were always in front of me.

 

So, I was able to move forward with confidence. Even if I chose the wrong answer, they would point it out and stop me.

There’s an unwarranted sense of trust, with no reason or basis.

As a result, what they received was a groundless trust from Shinra Minato and suspicious glances from those around.

 

It’s an incomprehensible action involving incomprehensible students. It’s a path of gradually distancing oneself from being everyone’s favourite.

I’m aware that it’s an irresponsible statement. It’s not an unconscious but a conscious remark, which makes it all the more insidious.

 

Still, I’ve come to understand.

My role extends only this far.

Drawing people in from a few connections and outlining a general direction. But from there, my feet refuse to move forward.

 

“I don’t have confidence that what I’m about to do is right. Rather, I’m confident that I’ll make mistakes… It’s selfish of me to want you to hold my hand when I’m about to stop.”

 

But even so…

The words that continued like that never reached them. The words choked in my throat and returned to me. My outstretched hand trembles, and the wind brushing against my skin feels unpleasantly cold.

As they finished listening to my words, the two of them briefly exchanged glances.

What emotions passed between them in that moment…?

Their mouths opened simultaneously.

 

“No, thank you.”

 

“No, thanks.”

 

The hands I extended to them stiffen, and their mouths, which had been slightly open, close.

 

…I can’t say anything in response.

This is how they rejected my hand.

Surely, their feelings must have been tossed around like rough waves. One who reached out from the beginning, and one who reached out later.

Although the actions may seem the same, the implications are entirely different.

 

“Um… Honestly, I’m at a loss for words, unexpected as it may be.”

 

It didn’t work. That much was clear in my mind. Normally, I would have pressed a switch somewhere and come up with an alternative plan. But today, it didn’t seem like I could easily switch gears.

I couldn’t just stand there with my hand outstretched in front of them forever. Slowly, as I move my right hand back to its original position, Kirasaka’s small left hand grabs it.

 

“Without permission, we’ve already started helping.”

 

“Come to think of it, we don’t need permission to help Minato.”

 

Shizuku seemed somewhat embarrassed, while Kirasaka remained cool as ever.

Without letting go of my hand, Shizuku took out multiple documents from her bag and handed them to me over Kirasaka’s hand.

 

Although it’s too dark to read the contents, there’s quite a bit there, handwritten and not neatly typed, but still a substantial amount.

It’s not the kind of workload that can be finished in an hour or so.

 

“With this, we’re all rejected once.”

 

Kirasaka’s expression, which had been cool until now, changed as she smirked and raised the corners of her mouth.

Shizuku also smiled quietly next to her, so she must have thought the same thing.

 

…When they say that, I can’t say anything.

But I think you have a good personality, yes, I really do think you have a very good personality.

Shizuku puffs her cheeks as if she remembered something.

 

“But we prefer being next to you, not in front of you, so don’t get it wrong!”

 

“S-Sorry…”

 

Because I said it too eagerly, almost greedily, I ended up apologizing unintentionally.

When Kirasaka sees that Shizuku nods in understanding, she lets go of my hand and looks at me. Shizuku also looked at me in the same way.

 

I’m honestly confused by the sudden turn of events.

But I was happy and relieved that they took my hands.

…I have to express my gratitude.

 

I’m so relieved that I feel like sitting down, as happy as when my little sister Kaede said she would marry me when we were young.

How should I express my gratitude at a time like this?

 

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<BBX> : There’s uni’s yearly fest going on outside, and here I am doing this… ಠ_ಠ

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